Two months. A long and nearly mind shattering two months without writing is over. Not to say I didn’t write anything, but the structured formula I had grown accustomed to, the very structure that helped me write every day, stay on task, and improve on the craft, became lost to me. I fell into the trap of “writer’s block”, better known as mental laziness. At least, it is for me. I allowed myself to take too long a break. Allowed anxiety over how others would view my stories. I worried and fretted over things in the world that I have absolutely no control over. I allowed my gift of imagination to wander into a realm of worry and fear. Will I ever write full time? Will Ebola come to the states and kill us all (my imagination is over active—don’t even get me started on the horrible things I thought would happen to me as a kid.). Will I get the loan to buy this house? Will I teach at this school forever? Will global warming destroy my children’s future? Will some sick pervert kidnap my kids? Every day, for two months, my mind had to imagine and worry over something. Why? Well, because I wasn’t entertaining my imagination with stories. That’s part of it, another is letting go and trusting in Yaweh more and realizing that through Yeshua Kristos, I have more control over my mind than I ever imagined. But I move on, this isn’t set to be a blog on theological discussion, I’ll save that for another blog spot, title, and time.
The school year is in its third week. The new schedule for my daughter (in kindergarten), my wife (promotion), and son (at daycare for the first time), has caused us to make adjustments, but we have now waded into the grove and found a good rhythm. Back in rhythm, I can go back to writing. I can hear the stories and let them flow from my finger tips. No more worries. No more fears. An epiphany returned this past weekend. One I had forgotten. One that, if not in my mind, will lead me back to worry and anxiety. I am a writer. Doesn’t matter if I ever make a career of it. Writing stories is what I do. It is something Yaweh has asked me to do. David didn’t compose psalms in the hopes to make a career of it. He did it because it was who he was. He was a musician. So he played, sang, made music. For his Lord. I am a writer, and I will do the same. No more worries about “making it.” I love the process. The moments of inspiration. How the words flow and drip on the page.
So here’s to coming back. To saying goodbye to the long break. Bidding adieu to the pointless bullshit of worry and fear. As Frank Herbert once wrote, “Fear is the mind killer.” So I take hold of the reigns and push fear out. I need my mind.