Update

I made a breakthrough today with the next installment of The Spiral Effect. Couldn't be more excited. I had written around 7 pages two months ago and then stalled out. So, of course I worked on another story while keep the The Soldier in the back of my mind. The past two weeks, however, my mind pestered me to bring the story back to the front. As typical with my thought process, I allow deterrents and distractions get in the way, whether it be a video game, television, Magic the Gathering, worries, fears, or anxiety. Thank God, however, the story is always churning in my mind. Last night I put away distractions and simply sat in silence to think, pray. Not about the story in particular, but a great many things. However, it allowed my mind to filter out the junk so that this morning, when I came back to The Soldier, I could think clearly. And think clearly I did. I nearly have the entire story lines for The Soldier, The Villain, and The Scientist plotted out. Hopefully, this makes writing the last few stories for this first arc smoother. Go at a faster pace.

I must admit, writing Alex Wonder drained me in a way no other story has. The past few months, since finishing it, has been difficult writing wise. No more. After a few more days of plotting out the rest of The Soldier, I will be back to spending a few hours or more a day writing it.

Until another day.

Change

Changes shine from the horizon, and I couldn't be more excited.

Feeling the Rhythm Once Again

Yeah, I’m feeling it once again. The dark night of depression has dissipated and I can once again think clearly. The past month has been an incredible spiritual journey. God has reawakened my passion, resolve, and hope for a better day. I can feel anxiety and worry slipping by the wayside. Fear and self-destruction are nearly nonexistent. But I know I must not grow complacent. Stay the path and do not waver.
The past week has been incredible. Three stories. Mark it, three stories to work on and I am not feeling the anxiety of which I will begin first. Monday I worked on one. Tuesday and Wednesday another. And Thursday to today, the third story. I came into contact with an old friend, an accomplice in the birthing of the idea for Jeremiah (the third story) and we will meet up and do some writing and illustrating on Saturday. It has always been my dream to write collaboratively. Not every story, but a set number, to be set apart and shared with another artist and writer. To help craft it into something bigger than ourselves. After years of dreaming this dream, I pray it come true.
Another reason I feel incredible is I finally took a step, a step forward, a step I have been putting off for two years. I do not want to get into it now lest some people read this. I am not yet ready for some to know. Not yet. But in a month. Oh but it is good. Great. Wonderful. I haven’t felt this unbound and free in years.

Until another night—when specifics return…

Two months. A long and nearly mind shattering two months without writing is over. Not to say I didn’t write anything, but the structured formula I had grown accustomed to, the very structure that helped me write every day, stay on task, and improve on the craft, became lost to me. I fell into the trap of “writer’s block”, better known as mental laziness. At least, it is for me. I allowed myself to take too long a break. Allowed anxiety over how others would view my stories. I worried and fretted over things in the world that I have absolutely no control over. I allowed my gift of imagination to wander into a realm of worry and fear. Will I ever write full time? Will Ebola come to the states and kill us all (my imagination is over active—don’t even get me started on the horrible things I thought would happen to me as a kid.). Will I get the loan to buy this house? Will I teach at this school forever? Will global warming destroy my children’s future? Will some sick pervert kidnap my kids? Every day, for two months, my mind had to imagine and worry over something. Why? Well, because I wasn’t entertaining my imagination with stories. That’s part of it, another is letting go and trusting in Yaweh more and realizing that through Yeshua Kristos, I have more control over my mind than I ever imagined. But I move on, this isn’t set to be a blog on theological discussion, I’ll save that for another blog spot, title, and time.
The school year is in its third week. The new schedule for my daughter (in kindergarten), my wife (promotion), and son (at daycare for the first time), has caused us to make adjustments, but we have now waded into the grove and found a good rhythm. Back in rhythm, I can go back to writing. I can hear the stories and let them flow from my finger tips. No more worries. No more fears. An epiphany returned this past weekend. One I had forgotten. One that, if not in my mind, will lead me back to worry and anxiety. I am a writer. Doesn’t matter if I ever make a career of it. Writing stories is what I do. It is something Yaweh has asked me to do. David didn’t compose psalms in the hopes to make a career of it. He did it because it was who he was. He was a musician. So he played, sang, made music. For his Lord. I am a writer, and I will do the same. No more worries about “making it.” I love the process. The moments of inspiration. How the words flow and drip on the page.
So here’s to coming back. To saying goodbye to the long break. Bidding adieu to the pointless bullshit of worry and fear. As Frank Herbert once wrote, “Fear is the mind killer.” So I take hold of the reigns and push fear out. I need my mind.

Plotting and Brainstorming

Well, since I finished Alex Wonder, it is time to work on a new story. Thankfully, I have about twenty different ideas jotted down, typed on the computer, backed up, saved in the cloud, email to myself, blah blah blah. Now to choose one, or two or three, and begin working on the plot for them. Work on characters, scenes, conflict, all that good stuff.

This is actually my favorite part. Guess that’s because I can do it anywhere. Home, store, work, friend’s house, bar, bed. Mentally draining work though, especially when my imagination hits a little snag and finds itself in a loop, replaying scenes and situations over and over, never going forward. That’s when I need to hit pause, go into the scene, and truly focus on where the story needs to go next.

Where I am now. Decided to go back to this one novel I’ve been working on for years. Like ten. Yeah, long time. One reason it’s been such a long endeavor is because it was my first attempt at a novel. I have rewritten three times now. The third time I didn’t rewrite the entire novel, only about two hundred pages, which is good since I have realized I need to rework a lot of stuff. I haven’t looked at the story in over a year, so I had a chance to read over it with fresh eyes. So many mistakes in regard to plot. Situations, reasons, conflicts that when dwelled on and discussed, make little sense. Some of the story is salvageable, but the beginning needs retooling. I’m nearly there but I am at an impasse because I am having difficulty deciding how my main character will discover a hidden enclave. This discovery of course will swing the story into the Rising Action and get the story moving. I don’t want to rehash old plot devices to the discovery. I don’t want it to be by complete accident because really, if the accident had never occurred, would the story even exist?

But maybe I’m putting too much weight on how he discovers it. Over analysis is both a gift and curse of mine.

Aside from working on the first novel of 12, yes, 12 (it’s an epic in the works), I have been doing research on first century Israel. I am also doing research on the apostles. Reading up on some physics, space, worm holes, black holes, all that awesome stuff. And then there is the next installment to The Spiral Effect. Started working on the plotline today. Only wrote a few lines.

Really though, I need to pick one and stick with it until its finished. In a perfect world…

because I kind of work better this way.

Regardless if anyone reads this or not (I’m fairly certain no one does) typing on this blog relaxes my mind and keeps me sane. Which is good. We (and yes I am generalizing most people—but look at the evidence) tend to ejaculate words online just to get another person’s response. We like to be seen, heard, thought about. Glad no one reads this. And if any do, I’m glad they don’t comment. At times my ego begs for someone to stroke it.

Until tomorrow

May the Lord’s grace shine on us all

Book Marketing

So, I decided today that in order to reach more readers, I needed to hit up some sites geared toward new authors and buy some ad space. Total cost was only $65 for three sites, but since I’m on a tight budget for the meanwhile, I’m rather nervous. I’ve never been big on bringing attention to myself, always wanting the work to just speak for itself, but I realize you’ll never sell a book that way.

Now I’m flooded with anxiety. Did I edit and revise the book well enough? Did I fully capture my intention within the story? Is the story any good? Did I write a good enough description? What about the cover? Before publishing on amazon, I was fully confident in my answers to these questions. But now—hell, now I’m just plagued with writer’s remorse. Always happens when I publish a story. However, it’s never been this big. I mean, I truly love everything I have written. Sure, I want to go back and edit a couple of them, make them tighter, and then re-release them. But this story—this story, while just the beginning of a large event, became a part of me.

Alex Wonder…

And his part of the tale isn’t even finished yet. So many more stories to go along with The Spiral Effect. Fifty page shorts, 100 page novellas, maybe even full length novels. Alex Wonder came out to 218 pages. 118 more than I had originally intended, so who knows. But I need more time. Writing is so dear to me, I love it. Especially during summer time. And then school starts again in August. The anxiety. Depression. Angst to be behind this laptop—or pacing in my office—dreaming waking visions of these people and their world. Hence shelling out the cash for ad space.

I hope it works. That people see it, become interested. That they’d buy the book and enjoy it. That maybe it would change them in some way. Leave positive reviews so other’s will purchase it. And then a spiral effect all my own, into my pursuit of writing full time.

My hope. My dream.

Explains the anxiety. The nerves. Because what if the ads don’t pan out? It’s just three sites for one week. Is that enough time—enough space? Probably not. So I have to remind myself to not get discouraged if I don’t sell thirty or more copies during that week of advertising. That I’ll probably have to really break down, sell some more collectables, and purchase ad space that costs 300-600 dollars. Old adage—you get what you pay for.

And then full circle. Is the book worth it? I think so, but I’ve been wrong before. Confidence has never been a defining characteristic of mine. Then again, how many writers can say it is.

So, I will be confident. I will pray. I will have faith. Because through it all, failures and victories, God is bringing me closer to Him one step at a time, so enjoy the moments. They’re short lived.

The Spiral Effect: Alex Wonder

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00KZBCFT8


Free until Tuesday.

Editing

I finished the first draft of Alex Wonder last week. Read a book on editing fiction Saturday. Good tips. Of the 12 things to look for/watch/fix, each with a chapter of its own, I only have trouble with 2. Color me pleased that I have grown this much. Only took near 10 years of consistent writing. What can I say, I'm both stubborn and self taught. Probably says something about my teaching skills.

I marked up and highlighted the printed draft. Finished this morning and started fixing the mistakes on the iPad. Got to page 45 before I had to leave for my 17 year old brother's birthday party. Rocking time if I'm spending it typing on my blog.

Well, back to the fun and then more work. Never stop until its finished.

So much...with so little

Projects. Ideas. Images floating, zipping, living every day in my head. I need an artist, an illustrator, a painter, a graphics designer,  a musician. Breathe life into more than just these simple novels of mine, but mount a dresm that goes beyond the stars. Cheesy, maybe. But it is what I know.

Getting the Rhythm Back

I wrote 850 words last night and another 600 tonight. Getting back into the groove of things feels great. I am seventy-five pages into Alex Wonder's storyline now. This is great. At the beginning of this story, I was a bit anxious. I wasn't sure I would like the character and, really, was kind of in a hurry to write this portion of the overall story. However, I really do not want to see it end. I have grown to love this guy, even though in real life, we probably wouldn't be friends. Oh well, that's life for you. One of the great things about being an author. Back to testing this new blue tooth keyboard and see if I cannot get it to work with my Office Mobile app. So far, it works with every thing else, even other microsoft apps. Just not the one I would get the most use out of it. Thems the breaks.

Good night.

Progress

Wrote quite a bit yesterday. Spent three hours revising, editing, and writing new material for part two of Alex Wonder’s story in The Spiral Effect. Enjoyed myself thoroughly. Hope to do so again tonight.

Well…

It’s been months. Still writing—not blogging though. Alex Wonder is making headway. Close. Very close.

Back to work.