MOVED

That's right. I have moved...

TO MY OWN WEBSITE

I think I am more excited than I probably should be.

www.delicatewrinkles.com

Episode 4: ADD

James Gilmartin discusses the unfortunate accounts of living a life with undiagnosed ADD.

Episode 4

Episode 3: Progress Report

James discusses his weekly progress with therapy, medication, and mental exercises. Some definite wins this week.

Episode 3

Episode 2: Obsessing with Compulsions

James Gilmartin discusses his recent diagnosis of OCD and reflects on a childhood filled with obvious clues to the disorder.

Episode 2

Delicate Wrinkles is up and running...in a way

Episode 1

Inaugural episode to the Delicate Wrinkles Podcast. James Gilmartin discusses the purpose of the podcast, shares some interesting stories, and discusses bits and pieces of living with ADD, OCD, and Depression.

Episode 1

Tinkering

Yes, I am tinkering again.
Shouldn't be a surprise.

Nearly there

The outline for Episode 1 of Season 2 is nearly finished. I would like to stop the tinkering and rush into the office and begin recording. It's how I usually begin the process after obsessing over the ways an episode might suck or go wrong. However, since this episode features my impulsive nature, I decided I better take my time carefully consider each aspect of production before entering the makeshift studio. 

It's also been hot as hell in the office. Summer is here and that Oklahoma heat likes to linger. Sure, a window unit hangs from the garage window. But that rattle rattle drone might affect the sound. I will have to test it out. (Something the impulsive side has a difficult time accepting.) 

May the Lord's Spirit guide love into my heart

Sanity into my mind

and peace into my soul

Some People

Hold such arrogance I want nothing more than to plant my fist into his stupid nose. It's why I stay away from such people. At least until I can control the emotional whirlwind cause by his/her presence.

But then I obsess. My thoughts dwell on these people. Do they care? Do they wonder why I become frustrated and angry over the way they speak to me and my own?

This is the hardest part. Letting it go. The decision to be cool is up to them.

My choice is whether to associate or think about them.

Back to Work

After a month of organizing and playing with my cards, I have decided it is time to focus more of my energy and time on the podcast and novels. Today, converting the files of the previous season of Delicate Wrinkles into a smaller format. Need to conserve my limited amount of storage.

Nearing election time

And the political speak entices and divides.
incites nonsensical half-truths and distorted facts.
Can't wait till December.

Choices

Far to many and now I am overwhelmed.
Stories to write.
Topics to record.
But where do I start?
Which story or topic deserves my immediate attention?
I have no idea, so a bit of panic sets in.
Oh brain of mine. Where ever did you pick up these strange behavioral qualities?
Maybe tomorrow will bring a better answer.

Not Without Material

Thank God.
Past few months has seen me scrounging for ideas. Of course, between TV, MTG, and Fallout 4, I haven't done much in the way of facilitating creative output.
Past few weeks, however, I have used more constructively and have nearly completed the first episode of the new season.
I'm so stoked.
Hell, had some very uncomfortable family run ins this past weekend. BONUS MATERIAL!  Recording this week.

Until then...

Getting there

I have been brainstorming episode 1 of delicate wrinkles season 2. On to the outline stages. Going to discuss Impulse Control. Among other things.

Relate with Me, Damn It!

I have pushed people away.
"No shit. We all have at one time or another, yeah?"
Perhaps. However, even decades after the fact, I obsess over relationships that once were and those that could have been.

Obsessing

So, I created an account with an MTG trading service. Really great way to save on cards. However, the mail...that dreaded mail has me obsessively checking my cell. Did they receive my trade? Did they send a trade? I need to put my phone away for a bit.

Until sanity returns.

Failure

But what if I am wrong
What if I fail...

Irrational expectations due to parental misguidance.

It is time to press on, folks. To move past my inferiority complex and do what I do.

I cannot promise dates or a specific timeframe, but I am working on episodes for Season 2.

So far, I have a lot to discuss.

Mistakes

The fear of a mistake causes pause.
More than pause, really. I freeze. Before pen hits paper, the fear cripples me. So then I procrastinate. I dread. I procrastinate some more.
The weight of the world buries me.
Why?
Because I was always wrong as a child.
It makes a difference.

Perfectionism

I fear making mistakes. This explains my increased procrastination when the pressure of a story or podcast gets real. I hide in safety:
Books
Video games
A facade, sure, but without the possibility of a life altering mistake.

Process

With the new format I will record in sections.

That's the plan at least.

Rather nervous as it is new.

Wish me luck!

New format

Well, instead of speaking ideas/life experiences into a mic, I will attempt to produce a real-life radio show. This past week I have been brainstorming how to beat break the show into sections. 3 to 4 to be exact. Between 15 to 20 minutes per section. I am very excited about.

Episode with the new format will be out next week.

Compelled Compulsion

I cannot help it at the moment.
My mind sticks to the thought of relevance.
Relevance on social media, podcast, and ebook sites. Please don't misunderstand. This isn't a need for positive attention. However, I obsess over the relevancy of building a social fan base or following because it may be important down the road. Why important? Eventually I hope to make a career out of writing.
So do these moments today affect the future?
Sure.
But how much of social media plays a part?
Can Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and whatever the hell else is out there play such a significant role in sales and downloads?
Shouldn't the content of a novel or podcast be enough?
I know the answer to that. I have for a long time. I just hate playing games. The social media game. The "Look at me, look at me," game.
The only time I like attention on me is when I am receiving laughs. And that's really only around people I know.
Shit.
I'm stuck between generations. Sometimes I love the potential of the internet and social media. Other times I wish for the glamour of the 80's, when personal tech cried in infancy, most of it too expensive for a lower-middle class family.
I demand, from myself, that I keep a strict schedule in regards to the podcast. Every week on Monday. Or Sunday if I finish early.
I am a day late.
But what do I do when I don't really have anything to talk about this week?
The schedule.
Content.
Schedule ensures the audience stays, right?
No, the content.
Back and forth I go.
What will I decide?

Episode 12 (Didn't I already use this as a title once before?)

I recorded a day early.
I spent a week feeling insecure, wondering if I could even continue doing the show.
This may have been the most fun I have had recording an episode.
Woot effing woot

Episode 12

Taking notes and jotting down ideas for episode 12. I have obsessed over content and audience response for 2 weeks now. The obsession then grows and instead of following counselor's orders to do my breathing exercises, I resort to distractions.

Mask the problem.
Bandaid the bullet hole.

Video games
TV
MTG
Twitter
YouTube

"Whatever I can do to keep myself from thinking of You."

Why do we do this?
I know I'm not the only one.