Holidays and Family

Today was intense. I shall not get into too much detail but it involved a slew of F bombs flying around from me toward one of my sisters and my lone brother. Things escalated. I left. So, I am giving myself a day to objectively think about it, vent any feelings that may remain, and gain some perspective before recording Episode 8. I would hate to use Episode 8 as a platform for venting my frustrations. That is, and never will be, the purpose of the show. I have typed up extensive notes for tomorrow night's episode and cannot wait to record it. I will discuss some of what occurred today. The main focus for Episode 8, however, is on Negative Self-Talk. This is a very intense topic and has been difficult to prepare for. I have had to go back to my past and re-experience some old hurts. I am doing well now, but those first few days last week took some prayer and breathing exercises. I had to force myself to write notes because I realized I was procrastinating this very topic.

I hope you guys enjoy it.
Until tomorrow evening.

Addison

Last Thursday, my daughter presented an unusual request. Well, let's say unusual for the normies out there. This request was typical of Addison's personality. She wanted to bring her umbrella to school. The sky was slightly overcast but certainly no chance for rain. I guess she read my confusion because she proceeded to explain.
"I'm a vampire and don't want the sun to burn me."
Made perfect sense.
We have been enjoying the Adventure Time miniseries "Stakes", a 6 episode arc centered around Marceline the Vampire Queen and her origin. If you haven't watched Adventure Time, I highly suggest you stop what you're doing and watch it. Greatest show ever.
"No problem." I told Addison.
So worth it seeing her smile the way she did.
Now, we had not yet eaten breakfast, so I pulled into the convenient store she and I frequent from time to time. Addison unbluckled and grabbed her umbrella. I stood with her door open and stared in silence. This is one of those times where my brain goes into overthink mode and time and space freeze. A million thoughts process and spiral from one end to the other. The first thought to fully form was to tell her to leave the umbrella in the car. She would ask why. I would try to make up a reason so as not to say "because I don't want people to think we're weird."
Then, another thought. A better thought.
Do I want my daughter to grow up with the worry of how others view her?
If she took the umbrella into the store, would anyone come to harm? No.
Time and Space unfroze and life resumed as normal.
"Sure." I said.
Addison held the umbrella from car to store, loudly declaring she needed protection from the sun since she was a vampire.
I am glad and thankful the Holy Spirit gave me pause. My initial desired response to tell Addison no was purely reactive due to years of social fear instilled by an unhealthy childhood. I don't want history to repeat itself with my daughter. I don't want to live with that fear anymore. I have an opportunity to give my daughter a mentally healthy life, so we will let our weird, creative, and freak flag fly.

Progress Report 3

Will air sometime tomorrow night. I will record tomorrow evening around 9 PM and then post sometime after that. Sadly, my laptop is glitching out and I will soon have to purchase a new one. However, I have enough juice left in her to record the next episode. Just thought I would throw out an update in case anyone was wondering why a new episode did not hit tonight or tomorrow morning.

Some Success

Well, it appears the podcast is gaining a small following. This is amazing. I really can't think of anything else to say because I am almost incapable of accepting compliments or success. That will be a topic for another episode. I am hoping to have my friend Rick Poindexter on the show in 2 weeks. Episode 8: Anxiety with Rick. Has a nice ring to it. I shouldn't talk about it too much because merely mentioning it this weekend started to give him a panic attack.

Episode 6

Episode 6 is up and running. This is my first attempt to interview a guest, and I think it worked out fantastically.

New Episode!

I completed episode four last night and uploaded it this morning. Cough finally let up enough so I could record episode 4. Things get a little bit more real as I discuss growing up ADD without a diagnosis and how it negatively affected most of my life. Don't worry, there are some fun and lighthearted moments in there as well. Hope you enjoy.

Delay

Episode 4 is delayed. I hate that. I love to develop a consistency with art. Whether a podcast or writing, I want to participate in a consistent time frame. Alas, the situation is beyond my control, and if I have learned anything in therapy and celebrate recovery it is that I cannot worry or stress over situations beyond my control. I have been sick with a terrible cold since Wednesday. I am unable to go ten minutes straight without coughing. I did try to record episode 4 on Friday, but after 5 minutes in I had to pause due to a coughing fit. I hope to record tonight because I begin the new job tomorrow. Here is to hoping.