Insanity

Truly, I am losing my mind today. Tomorrow? Well, I might be a different person then.

Going back

So, I have returned to the novel I began over ten years ago. My opus. The story that began this journey into writing. I have completed the novel twice. Rewritten it 12 or more times. And here I am, beginning anew. Well, not beginning anew now. I began anew about a year and a half ago. However, I am still brainstorming. Seems crazy to spend so much time working on a story, rewriting it, tossing it, starting over, repeat, repeat, repeat. At this rate, it might never see publication. (I'm an optimist who sometimes becomes dramatic, so I do not really believe I will not complete it.) Then why the continuous rewriting? Well, I have never been satisfied with previous versions. The story didn't feel complete. Always something out of sync with the plot, characters, or various devices thrown in. See, in the beginning, I set out to simply have a planet that manufactured the coolest damn tech. No real reason. However, this past year as I have grown as a storyteller, I realized things like technology need to reflect the culture and the people. It's not fulfilling or complete for it to simply be there. It needs a purpose. I realized the same with the environment. The clothing. The work. The attitude. I had to completely rebuild this culture, which is necessary for a space opera. Well, a good space opera. I look back and try to imagine the difficult work and effort Frank Herbert put into Dune. The series has been a huge inspiration.

The story is beginning to develop in ways I could never had dreamed ten years ago. Five years ago. Three years ago. The characters have new life, greater depth. The planet is more dense. The plot smoother. I had to cut out so many pointless subplots.

I figure the remaining bit of brainstorming will take a month or two (I was able to salvage a great deal of the main plot--just a lot of tweaks--a shit load of tweaks). I will write some shorts and perhaps finish Jeremiah during these two months.

That's kind of all for tonight.

Working Hard for Those Stars

I have been sending one query after another to various reviewers in the hopes he or she will read The Spiral Effect and give a positive 4 to 5 star review. Emails. Filling out forms. Copying and Pasting. So much fun. No...no it isn't. It is, however, absolutely necessary when you are an Indie Author trying to get attention for your books. I also published The Spiral Effect and Alex Wonder on Smashwords. I have to say, that site is pretty legit. In 3 days The Spiral Effect has hit 61 downloads. Much better than the first three days I had a year or so ago with Amazon during a promotional period. Here's to hoping some positive reaction comes from it. I truly hope to do this full time one day. 

For now, I need sleep. I still have an 8 to 5 job I need to attend. 

Busy

Working. 
The ideas and plans, plottings and shenanigans are coming together. Much more later.
Yes...
Much more.

Anxiety

The waiting.
The anticipation.
For what?
And for how long?
I am not at a crossroads. That would make life a bit simpler. No, I am on the road with a rest stop to my right, a large amusement park of a distraction to my left, and the Goal ever forward. I can't see my goal, but I believe it is there. I have to. If not, then I took the wrong road.
But I should rest. The mind needs it. The soul yearns for it. I could push and bleed and cry and scream all to squeeze out a single sentence for some story I hope to finish one day. All to feel accomplished. Or, I could do what is necessary-push aside the anxiety, enjoy and praise the talents of friends instead of competing to see who's dream is more successful.
I must remember: The first one to reach his dream is not better than the one who arrives late. For some the journey is longer. Some are easily distracted. Others need to rest more frequently. A few chose the wrong road and had to backtrack. As long as we nurture our talents and turn the dream into a reality.

I refuse to bury it in the sand.

Style

So, I have been pondering style this week. Should I wear a fedora again? Perhaps grow a mustache. Stuff myself into skinny jeans?

Uh...not that type of style.
Right.
Remember where you're writing.
On the internet.
No humor accepted on the web.
Conversations with myself leave little room to the imagination.
Then get on with it.

Style. The way I craft a sentence. Word choice. Diction. Inflection. All of the wonderful elements of writing. When it comes to fiction, I love it. My heart, soul, body, and mind connect with the story in a spiritual way, so of course, I want to share my stories in a way that immerses the reader into the dream he or she forgets it is a book, forgets the story has a writer. I enjoy experimenting with style in fiction. Some may not understand, but I experience joy rewriting a sentence five, ten, twenty times to get it perfect. Now, I don't do this with every sentence, typically at the beginning. Because once I really set the stylistic tone of a novel, it flows much easier as the story progresses.

Blogs, Non-fiction, summaries, synopsis, whatever else is a pain in the ass in regards to style. Why? I think it is because in the realm of non-fiction, there is more of a temptation to show how well you write as opposed to what you say. Of course, maybe it's just me. I typically think, "want people to notice a blog, use a style showing brilliance and word mastery." Well, that takes all the fun of running a blog, hence the lack of daily, hell, weekly blogs. I want people to see what I can really do as a writer; so, I will have them read my fiction. Well, not too many people are keen on reading a unknown author's work, let alone pay 1.99 for it. All right, then let's set up a blog. Yay, now I can spend over an hour typing and editing so I can sound as pretentious as possible in the hopes of a reader stumbling upon my page. Sending prayers of, "Lord, may they find me brilliant and thank You and all Your Glory for creating a writer like me." Blah. No time for that. I'll stream my thoughts. Expunge words. Vomit ideas. Shit opinions.

I'd rather expend stylistic energy to describe a scene.

Why ramble about this? Well, the entire reason I write, the idea rattled around my mind. And that's a writer. Ideas float in the noggin, can't rest until it's on paper or a screen.

Also, this is a fucking blog. Let's get over myself, huh?

Lack of Quantity

I am not procrastinating. Rather, I choose my words and content carefully. This does not always rule in my favor. I freeze, for far too long, when an idea eludes me. Distraction shoots tennis balls at me as I try to create the best wording for each sentence. Work numbs my mind to creative thought by day's end.

However, progress occured this weekend. A breakthrough. An eruption of light upon the dark places in which I crawl when life becomes unmanageable and depressing. Today, all is well.